My Awakening Story

My whole life I've felt different. I've been drawn to water & the ocean. I'm dreamy, distant, spacey, & mystical. And I've felt like no one in my life truly understood me. Turns out, these are common themes for Blue Ray Starseeds.

A good place to start with this story is with my first visit to Hawaii in Dec. 2004. I was there for 2 weeks. During the second week I had an emotional breakdown. I remember leaving my husband & 3 year old daughter stranded while I drove to the ocean & watched the whales spouting for an hour by myself. From then on, I've had recurring dreams of trying to find the whales in Hawaii. These dreams continued on regularly & I still have them. I've been to Hawaii 2 other times & each time I would have an emotional breakdown. More on this later.

I started to blog in 2005. There are quite a few similarities between what I would blog about & Starseed traits. The blog is even called "Blue Like Alis: Blue thoughts about a certain girl."

Last year I was introduced to Crystal Ally Cards & Book by Naisha Ahsian. I started pulling cards regularly & accessing what I believe is my intuition through them. The more I use them, the better I get at asking good questions about what is going on in my life. Then, about 3 months ago, I started to get the same card over & over, nearly every time I pulled cards. That card was the Nurture Card of the Larimar Ally. Then I got the opportunity to go back to Hawaii in January. I asked the Allies what would be most beneficial for me for my trip, so that I would have the most fun, connection, & spiritual growth during my time there. I again got the Larimar card. This card suggested that I do a water ritual such as swimming in the ocean. I did this the first few days I was there, going on snorkel & whale watching tours. Then at the end of my second to last day I was at the beach but decided against my better judgement to go back to my hotel room. When I got there, things went downhill fast. I became severely depressed, even somewhat suicidal. I felt like my will to live & experience pleasure had been entirely sucked out of me. I felt like a shell of a human, with nothing inside. The physical pressure on my body was intense. I felt half dead. This depression continued on for several days after I got home.

When I got home I was so depressed that I could not even draw Crystal Cards about this issue. The friend who introduced them to me finally asked if she could pull some cards for me. She drew the Will card twice, followed by the Initiation card twice. So I knew I was onto something. Hearing that there was a reason for the madness gave me the motivation to start researching about what had happened. I looked back at the Larimar card & discovered that it was linked to dolphins & Lemuria. I had read on Diana Cooper's website that Hawaii is considered the mountaintops of Lemuria. Hawaii is also considered to be the Solar Plexus Chakra of the earth. And the Solar Plexus Chakra is the one associated with a person's will, so hence the Will card.

And during the time that I was depressed in Hawaii they were also having major thunderstorms, & unusually heavy rains that resulted in flooding. In the Crystal Ally cards, the Initiation card is a Storm element card. So I believe I was going through an initiation that had to do with my solar plexus chakra. Perhaps I would have experienced the same initiation in a gentler way if I had heeded the advice of the Larimar card & stayed near the ocean & water.

So after I started to feel better I began to research more about Hawaii, Lemuria, dolphins & whales. I have felt a keen desire to go to Hawaii ever since my first visit there, even though I had the emotional breakdowns. I remember telling people that Hawaii had "gotten in my blood." And I felt that the whales were calling me to return as well. As I researched all of this, I discovered something called Blue Ray Starseeds. This was my moment of awakening or at least the moment that I recognized who I am. I identify heavily with Blue Ray traits, except for the age-range. I'm 32 & most Blue Rays are in their late 30's to 50's. I remember spending hours on the computer doing research & then feeling so incredibly drained afterwards! This was because I hadn't yet figured out that I have to ground myself regularly to balance out all that higher thinking. Regardless however, I was still very excited to discover all of this. I felt like finally someone understood me, truly. I felt like there was a higher purpose to my life beyond just the day-to-day stuff. Little did I know that I would soon discover that that higher purpose was to bring light to the day-to-day stuff. ;)

I spent about a week heavily researching everything I could find about this topic. I read Shakina, Diana Cooper, Blue Ray Healing, Joan Ocean, & various other websites about Hawaii, Lemuria, Blue Rays, Starseeds, healing, numberology, 2012, etc. After this I nearly collapsed & finally figured out that I was having "assension symptoms." Wow, it was right on! So now I take breaks, do grounding exercises, light incense or smudge, take salt baths, do physical chores, etc., to make sure I stay grounded & balanced.

So that has been my experience so far. I still struggle with energy & being balanced but at least I know why & how to fix it. And I know I have to go back to Hawaii & the whales. I read somewhere that Blue Rays are drawn to certain sacred places both to get messages & energy from them as well as to give them energy & healing. When I read that I knew that Hawaii needed my energy & that there is something in me that it can only get from me & it is important that I visit there as often as I can. Next time I will be prepared & will listen completely to my intuition & spirit guides. It is going to be epic!

According to Shekina:
The Blue Ray Beings are an ultra sensitive empathic soul group like the Indigos that came from many different ascended planets and light realms to enlighten the genetic code of humanity and raise the God consciousness on Gaia. They are the lost ray of the Light Worker.

The Blue Ray Mission:

Infiltrate the system in a normal capacity, always remembering who you are and where you came from, planting the seeds of peace, love, light and higher awareness. No matter how painful, long or arduous the job was, it was your mission and you had the spiritual tools, insight and divine light to see it through.

Blue Ray Traits:

· 'Transformers', using alchemy you naturally transmute lower energies.
· Average age range: Late 30's to 50's
· Tend to be water and air signs: Pisces, Scorpio, Cancer, Gemini, Aquarius, and Libra with Virgo influences. (
I'm a Libra.)
· Have similarities with the Indigo, Crystals and Rainbows Beings. Ultra sensitive, intuitive, can easily communicate with the higher realms. You have sacred knowledge and wisdom.
· Often mistaken for an Indigo.
· Very adaptable and empathic.
· Blues are more reserved and quieter than the indigos and seem mystical in the way they look. Old souls may appear to be more ethereal looking or star born.
· You are about communication and expression through the creative arts and spirit. It is very important for you to express yourself. It's part of you mission.
· May have taken many years for you to be able to speak up and be seen.
· Have blue in your aura or have lots of blue around you. You will also have violet to help with transmuting lower density.
(Blue has always been my favorite color. I have lots of blue in my house & surroundings. My personality type is Blue-dominant.)
Work with Archangel Michael, Saint Germain and the Violet Fire. (In November of 2010 I felt inexplicably drawn to an event where Archangel Michael was channelled.)
· Most are energy or spiritual healers as you wish to heal and help others. (I have been working with hands-on intuitive blessing, using Mahatma Energy of Universal Love for several years & have always been interested in alternative healing.)
· Are water types. Flowing, emotional, not static and associated with the divine feminine traits and archetype. Music, sound, movement, dance and nature is very important to you. (I've always been involved in music. I'm a nature girl at heart. And I connect so much with water that I even gave birth in a pool of water.)
· Learned how to hide your supernatural abilities and gifts, stood in the background waiting, watching, observing and always in the knowing. (As a child I actually saw an angel once. )
· The Waiting, Star Seed Time Line Encodement, the blues have been preparing for when events and an inner knowing will activate you to reset your course to take a higher path. This activation will attuned you to your core essence and will affect your career, hobbies, goals and relationships. (I believe this is the Initiation that occured in Hawaii.)
· Most of you were not born to enlightened consciousness spiritual parents. You had to heal and transform much family, genetic damage, emotional trauma and dysfunction first. (Whoo boy! Tell me about it!!!)
· Feel connected to the terms Light Worker, Star Born and to Pleiades, Sirius and to the esoteric studies and the evolved races of earth. Are more energetic aligned to Lemurians then to the Atlantians. (I love the author Tom Robbins. Last year I read his book, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, which gives a detailed account of how the African tribe, the Dogon, have for thousands of years told the story about how there was a Sirius A & B, although Sirius B was not visible to the naked eye & even before astronomers knew about Sirius B. The Dogon told of how half human, half fish beings (ei. Merpeople, to which I feel a particular connection) came from the sky & told them these stories about Sirius A & B.)
· Have amazing latent spiritual gifts and talent that are not fully activated. (I feel like I have some HUGE potential in these areas!)
· Feel out of out place in your family, feel your biological family is not your true origin. Feel you are from the stars, another planet or evolved race. (When my mom was 3 months pregnant with me she began to bleed heavily & was told by doctors that she had lost the pregnancy. But after they tested her later they discovered that there was still a heartbeat. I feel that something momentous happened during that time. And I have always felt like I had a twin that I am deeply connected to or that there is something "out there" that I am connected to. I've never been able to put this in words until now.)
· Are the peacemakers with your family and with friends.
· Have great inner long-term persistence. You get to your destination.
· Very sensitive to foods, chemicals, the environment, noise and electricity.
(No kidding!! )
· Need to drink lots of spring water that still has the life force in it, and be connected to the deva of water. (I believe this is why I do not like to drink water usually. It tastes so chlorinated & harsh!)

Challenges for the Blue Ray

· Escape tendencies, being in the other realms or being alone to much, feeling lonely and different.
· Addictions or addictive tendency in earlier years.
· Chronic fatigue from always transforming energies or leaving the body too often and too long.
· Learning disabilities
(I was diagnosed with ADD in college.)
· Difficulty and frustration in communicating. (OMG, yes!! The only way I feel totally comfortable communicating is when I am typing or writting & can go back & edit what I am saying to make sure it makes sense. I hate talking on the phone!)
· Were told: You were different. You're just imaging things. Get real.
· Can have entities, spirit attachments and negative thought forms come to you, because the Blue Ray transforms and shows them the light.
(I believe this is why I have always been afraid of the dark.)
· Had genetic damage to transform. (Last year my chiropractor worked with me to heal gastritis/ulcers I'd had for years. He used muscle testing to reveal that I needed several extremely potent homeopathic remedies specifically for a genetic component I had that had to do with emotional energy repatterning.)
· Are very adaptable and empathic, and therefore can stay in a dysfunction relationship, situation or environment too long.
· Need to maintain energetic boundaries and awareness and learn how to stay connected in the body.

© 2010 Shekina Rose, All Rights Reserved www.shekinaspeaks.com


Thoughts from the tea room...

Last night I attended a tea session at Heaven's Tea. We were given different teas to drink without knowing what kinds they were. As we drank them we wrote down our thoughts & feelings in the form of poems. Here is what my tea session was like:

Air & Light. ~Oriental Beauty, aged 2 years.

Slip. Slurp. Pan's tea.
A bit of nymph.
A glimpse of hoof.
~White Tea, from trees that are 800-1,200 years old. Yes, I said years.

Smoky. Woodsy.
Back to my beginnings.
Hail Mother Earth!
~A combination of 3 Puerh teas from the early 1980's.

Red Plumeria on the island
reminds me of cotton candy,
vanilla, sugar & honey.
Pull me into the sweetness.
~Honey Orchid Phoenix Oolong, from 40 year old trees, growing near peach trees. Aged 2 years.

You are so sweet, my dear.
I see a rainbow-hued
butterfly in your eyes.
You enthrall me.
~Pomelo Flower Tea

Let me sleep
with your pure love.
~Organic Rosebud Tea from China

In the womb.
Closing me down
to open me up.
~Puerh Cha (sp?). By this time in the tea session, I was so "tea drunk" I forgot to write down the specifics of this tea. :)

A couple of things that Paul, the tea guy, said really struck me. He talked about how people are so busy & that drinking tea brings you into the moment & helps you get in touch with self love. He also said that tea combines the 4 elements: earth, air, fire, & water. When I heard that I immediately thought about my Crystal Ally book that says that when all 4 elements are combined it produces the storm element, which is the most powerful of all & where incredible things happen. Drinking tea at Paul's seems to do just that. I come away feeling like something supremely magical has just happened to me, on a physical, emotional, mental & spiritual level.


Turning over a new leaf...

Today is the first day that I will be trying something new: spending quality alone time with myself, regularly. Yes, that means a schedule. No, I am usually not a schedule type person. But I feel that by doing this I will be sending the message to myself that I am important & that I do deserve to love myself by giving myself quality time. It is one of my Love Languages after all. Moreover, it will send the message to my higher self, my spirit guides, & the Universe that I take seriously this whole business of intending & manifesting, & that I desire to be a more centered & balanced person.
The main mission of spending time alone is to be able to process my life, how things are going, & how I desire them to go, & especially what outcomes I am desiring. The more clearly I am about these things, the closer I will get to living my highest purpose in life.
So I've also decided to try spending this alone time while walking outside. Today was my first day doing this. It was pure magic! Here are some pics I took while I meandered through a local park.


A difficult thing to admit

I don't know how to start this post. I keep coming up with reasons why I shouldn't write about this. I feel sheepish, needy, embarrassed, & very vulnerable.

So here's what happened: I was experiencing frustration, impatience, & irritability for the umpteenth time a few evenings ago. As is my pattern, I initially act this out on my immediate family. I've gotten to the place where I can quickly realize I'm doing this & Dh is good at asking me what it is I'm really upset about, knowing that it most likely doesn't have to do with him or the kids. So he asked me what it is I really was wanting. Then he left me alone to sort it out. After he left the light seemed to switch on in my mind & I knew what it was that was really going on. I knew this because I sobbed uncontrollably for about 30 minutes & it wasn't PMS! I haven't cried that hard & for that long in a couple of years.

I realized that for the last few months I've increasingly felt isolated from friends & from people who care about me. I've let myself slowly block out a lot of people & have not opened up to new people either. I've shut my real self off from the love & care of others.

Part of it is because the main source of my intimate & fulfilling connections with close friends has been from being a part of the Foundations Workshops' alumni community. And when the regularly scheduled alumni events stopped occurring about 6 months ago I didn't realize how much I relied on the emotional support I received from these people, how much of the deep love & connection was now missing in my life.

Part of it is because I also got quite a bit of my deep connections from my girls' school community. And when school ended last year, I did not make a big enough effort to maintain those relationships over the summer.

And the last part of it is probably the hardest for me to admit. I realized that I have a deep fear of letting myself be loved by others. I'm doing so much better at loving myself now, & that is wonderful. It's not enough though, I'm realizing. If I really love myself, then I will allow others to love me too. If I believe that I am good enough, beautiful, deserving, & worthy of love, then I must allow others to love the wonderful person I believe I am.

For some reason, this is so hard to admit. I feel clingy & needy. I feel like I need to get my shit together before I ask for help. This lie feels HUGE, like it blocks out all the reasonable thoughts regarding this issue in my mind. It feels incredibly scary to ask for someone to reach out to me, to show me that they care about me, to show me that they love me. It feels selfish to ask people to love me when they have all their own people to love & their own lives to spend emotional energy on. I spend incredible amounts of time battling in my mind whether or not to ask for help when I'm feeling drained. This drains me more & I feel worse, which makes me feel even less like asking someone to show me that they care about me. It's a horrible cycle.

And there is another thing: Love Languages. If you haven't read about them, Google it. My Love Languages are Gifts & Quality Time. Just writing that is an emotional process for me right now. I didn't realize how much these things are missing from my life. I didn't realize how much I don't allow people to love me in these ways. Not only do I put myself at the bottom of everybody's list, if I do somehow manage to make it on somebody's list, I don't let myself enjoy it or absorb it. And just thinking of asking for a specific act of love, fills me with hopelessness. There are things I don't let myself dream about, like having people who want to sing with me, or people giving me meaningful, unique gifts, or people planning an specially occasion where I am the guest of honor....

Now comes the most secret of secrets: I like Physical Touch. I want to be touched so badly. I can barely let myself admit this because I feel so dirty, so wrong. One of my deepest fears is that if I touched someone they might think I was being sexually inappropriate. Or if I let them touch me, either they would think that I was experiencing it sexually or other people would think that I was being inappropriate. I have this huge fear of being sexual at all. Like it is the worst sin ever! And I don't even believe in the concept of sin! Can you believe that I make an exception & allow the concept of sin to exist in the case of my own sexuality?!

But seriously, I just want people to hug me & HOLD ME! I want my hair to be caressed, I want my hand to be held, I want my face to be touched. I can barely type this for the sobs. I want to feel that I'm worthy of having my body touched. That this is a universal need of all humanity. That this is healthy & normal. That I can trust myself to be touched. That other people trust me enough to touch me. Yeah, that is the core issue here: trust.

I'm still processing all of this so please don't judge. I don't have it all figured out yet. I just felt like this was burning a hole inside of me since the other night. It's making me sick, literally, to keep it in any longer. I'm tired of feeling irritable & impatient all the time. I need to let it out & let love in.



All pics done by Jeremy of Blue Root Imaging.


Me Vale!

Me Vale - As sang by Mana'

No me importa lo que
Piensa la gente de mí
Que si traigo el pelo
De alguna manera
Porque me gusta traerlo asi
Que por qué escucho
Ese tipo de música?
Si es la que me gusta oir

Critican todo lo que ven en mí
Inventan chismes que no son ciertos
Con quien hablo, con quién salgo,
Con quién ando,
Que te importa? es mi vida
Si yo no le hago daño a nadie
Quién eres tú para decirme
Cómo vivir, quién eres tú?

Me vale lo que piensen, hablen de mí
Es mi vida y yo soy asi, simón!
Me vale lo que piensen, hablen de mí
Es mi vida y yo soy asi!

Porque me vale vale vaale,
Me vale todo
Me vale vale vaale,
Me vale todo
Si no me entienden o comprenden
Pues ya ni modo!
Porque me vale vale vaale
Me vale todo

No puedes criticar algo
Sin conocerlo primero
Sere muy feo por afuera
Pero muy bello por adentro
Si eres una de esas personas
Te tengo una solución
En vez de estar fregando
Y molestandome asi
Dedicate a encontrar
Que esta mal en tí
Por que...

Me vale lo que piensen
Hablen de mí, es mi vida
Y yo soy asi, simón!
Me vale lo que piensen,
Hablen de mí, es mi vida
Y yo soy asi por que...


Mientras los reprimidos
Andan aburridos
Yo no ando, de jodido
No tengo broncas
Porque soy yo mismo

Hablen lo que quieran...

Qué piensa o murmura la gente de mi?
Qué piensan los vecinos de mi?
Qué piensan los maestros de mi?
Qué piensa la autoridad de mí?
Qué piensan mis padres de mí?
Qué piensan mis suegros de mí?
Qué piensa todo el mundo de mí?
Sólo tengo que decir:
Me vaaaaaaaaleeee
Me vaaaaaaaleee

Ponganse al tanto
Porque el mundo gira rápido
Ponganse al tiro
O se quedarán atrás


It doesn't matter what
people think of me.
If I have my hair
a certain way it's because
I like to have it like that.
And why do I listen to
this kind of music?
'Cause it's the kind
I like to listen to.

They criticize all they see in me.
They make up gossip that's not true.
Who I talk with, who I hang out with,
who I go out with.
Why should you care? It's my life.
If I'm not hurting anyone,
who are you to tell me
how to live my life?
Who are you??

I don't care what they think,
or talk about me.
It's my life
and this is what I'm like. Oh yeah!
I don't care what they think,
or talk about me.
It's my life
And this is what I'm like!

Because I don't care, don't care, don't care!
I don't care about it all!
I don't care, don't care, don't care.
I don't care about it all!
If they don't understand,
don't comprehend me
well, who cares!
Because I don't care, don't care, don't care!
I don't care about it all!

You can't criticize something
without knowing about it first.
I could be real ugly on the outside
but real pretty on the inside.
If you are one of those kinds of people
I have a solution for you:
Instead of bugging
and bothering me like this,
dedicate yourself to finding
what is wrong with YOU!

Because I don't care what they think
or say about me.
It's my life
and this is the way I am!
I don't care what they think or say about me.
It's my life
and this is what I'm like!


While the repressed
walk around bored
I don't go out bloodied.
I don't have quarrels.
Because I'm myself.

Let them say what they want.

What do the people think about me?
What do my neighbors think about me?
What do my teachers think about me?
What do the authorities think about me?
What do my parents think about me?
What do my in-laws think about me?
What does the whole world think about me?
I only have to say,
I don't care!
I don't care!!

Because the world turns quickly.
Give it a shot
or you'll be left behind!



More on Freedom

I want to quickly share a link to a blog I read regularly. This lady actually wrote about some of the same themes that I wrote about yesterday. She also takes fabulous photos! You can read all about it here.
A friend of mine was talking to me about how she is experiencing similar issues herself. She hadn't read this yet so it's kind of interesting how I keep running into this theme. Hmmm... I will have to give that some more thought.